So yeah. I write some poetry. I'll probably just udate the first post with all my poems...

Betrayed
Friends are forever
So they say
Then why am I regretting this day?
I didn't know
That you were so low
You betrayed me
Which isn't my cup of tea
I don't even know why I trusted you
You were just full of poo
Leave me alone
Don't call me by phone
I'm over you
So you should just shoo

By People Like You
Life is hard
My heart is charred
My heart is broken
My eyes are soaken
Just because you left me
Your love always came with a fee
Since you have been gone
I have learned not be conned
By people like you

So Much For My Happy Ending
So much for my happy ending
Your heart was always pending
Watching, waiting
What was I supposed to do?
I loved you so much
But we barely even touch...
I don't get it
You never gave a ****
My heart was never lit
And you never cared
Are you impaired?
So much for my happy ending...

Well there's three of my poems. Enjoy... And please remember that any and all criticism is much appreciated.

I don't think anyone on VR knows that I'm actually a pretty good poet as judged by my teachers and colleagues. So after seeing this thread, I might actually give it a shot and display some of my works later.

Now, I must say that you've done a good job on your three poems; I think "So Much For My Happy Ending" is the best one out of them. Here's a couple of comments on your style of poetry, and you may or may not take them into consideration:

1) I noticed that you tend to add... wacky or cliché sentences/words which kinda ruin the flow of the poem. Examples include:

"Which isn't my cup of tea" - the first poem is full of attitude and this sentence takes away from the seriousness of the words.

"You were just full of poo" - again, this is pretty informal and kinda sounds childish.

"You never gave a ****" - wow, I was reading the poem going like: "This poem has a unique, sarcastic, almost complacent tone to it" and then this sentence popped up. I just get the feeling that it's too strong for this poem.

2) Something which I FINALLY learned to overcome is "fit-in rhyming", where people slap words which rhyme with the previous line but at the same time feel 'wrong' or even silly in some situations (not yours, though). The most obvious example is "shoo" for me, since it took some of the last sentence's "weight". This is not such a big deal in your case, but it may be worth looking at.

I really hope that you take my criticism constructively rather than personally. Judging from these poems, especially the third one, I think you are one of the better poets I've met recently. Keep it up and make sure to post more of your works!

These are great! Nothing I would have against them!

Wow they're really great. I was top of my class for poems. I should make a few. Thanks for inspiring me.

I took the liberty of putting this through iwl.me as an excuse to use it again, and it says you write like James Joyce.


I hope you know who that is because I sure don't <.<

Update~

Reflections
I did not know my feelings then
My emotions controlled me
I wish we could trek through it again
I ponder about what we could be

Maybe if you accepted my apology
You wouldn't be gone
I would've payed my fee
It would be a new dawn

I wish you'd come back
But that's impossible now
Your dead for what I lack
But I didn't know how...

Myself Together Again
It's been a while
Since life felt this right
I'd always have to fight
To live my life
Without strife

It took a toll
On my soul
I was so broken
My eyes were so soaken
But then you came
And I was put to shame

But you brought me back
I was stuck in my little shack
I hope you never leave
Because it would be hard to weave
Myself together again

I love reading poems like they are rap. Lol, it kinda worked out ;D

Man, you're inspiring me to get back to writing poetry. It's too bad that I suck at thinking of rhymes.

I'm posting from a 3DS right now, so I'll probably edit more into this post later, but as for right now:

1)Noticed you used the line "My eyes were soaken." again in "Myself Together Again". Not really a critique as much as just a little observation of my own.

2)Shadow basically said everything I would have in regards to the first three, so I don't really have else much to say in regards to them that wouldn't now be redundant.

3)The line "Before I could stab myself with a tack.", while rhyming, breaks up the "rhythm" the poem had up to that point established, particularly due to the higher syllable count. You may want to find a replacement of sorts that adequately communicates the intent and feeling this line was meant to hold. Though obviously my own take on it, whether you decide to go with it or not is up to you.

Unsure
It's a damn cold night
And I can't say I'm sad to see you
Our friendship is kind of tight
I can only hope you like me too
I don't know whether to make a move or not
I worry about how'd you react
I really like you a lot
I can see us together
Maybe I'm just bluffing
But I think we could make our relationship last forever