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Fan Fiction and Literature → Mario and Sonic's Adventure, a epic fan-fic story

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1. Charizard98 said on August 6, 2010, 11:31:11 PM (-07:00)

Volcarona
732 posts

Note: I am really bored at the time and thought I should come up with a story that people would be entertained by. Anyways, with that I shall be starting.

Chapter One:
A dark story

Even in the deepest of darkness, a evil villian will always try to do something to try and destroy the entire universe and inside the deepest of darkness was Mephiles. A evil villan that's lived under darkness for centuries,...until now....Centuries ago there was a king, the god of light, named Macarus. Mephiles, the god of darkness, was jelous of Macarus for being a legendary hero and all. He was going to kill the god of light. In a epic battle, Marcarus challenged Mephiles and put a spell for him never to come back for centuries and centuries. That is,....until now.....

???: Mephiles, we have unfinished business to do...heh,heh,heh.

Mephiles: Finally, the day darkness will soon rule all of humanity and not even that,but the universe....
Embedded image

To be continued....

Next chapter will be released: 8/8/10

2. Charizard98 said on August 8, 2010, 08:00:35 PM (-07:00)

Volcarona
732 posts

Chapter 2
The Beginning of a new adventure

At the Mushroom Kingdom,

Mario:*snoozes*....

Mephiles: Hello, Mario. I shall now take over the universe. You and all of the people of the Mushroom Kingdom shall now suffer my wrath!

* Mephiles opens a way to another world

Luigi: Mario!

With that, Mario and Luigi got teleported to another world with the Mushroom Kingdom now burned and every one else including Princess Toadstool and the others.....

At City Square,

Sonic: 10 chili dogs please!

Mario & Luigi: WAAAHHHHH!*crash*
Sonic: *swallows a chili dog and see Mario and Luigi*....Want a chili dog?

At a space facility,

???: Hmm....I know this place.

Mephiles: Yes, this place is none other then the space colony ark.

???: Tell me, Mephiles. What shall use this cannon for?

Mephiles: We gather the hyper emeralds and the master emerald to not just destroy a world,but a universe.

Metal Sonic: I like your thinking Mephiles.

Back at City Square,

Sonic: Mmhmm....A hyper emerald?!

Mario: Hmm?

Sonic: If we collect all 7 of them and the master emerald, you both can somehow go back to your world.

Mario: Alright!

Luigi: I'm hungry for spaghetti right now....

Sonic:....-__-

???: Hi, Sonic!

Sonic: Hey, Tails! Could you give us a ride on your tornado to look for the missing hyper emeralds?

Tails: Sure!

So, Mario, Luigi, and Sonic met Tails and got on his tornado and were to retrive the missing hyper emeralds and the master emerald. A very long journey would be ahead of them.

To be continued...

Next chapter to be released: 8/14/10

3. Blues said on August 9, 2010, 09:00:46 AM (-07:00)

Regigigas
867 posts

Quote:
a epic
You lost me there.

4. Charizard98 said on August 9, 2010, 02:32:22 PM (-07:00)

Volcarona
732 posts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blues View Post
You lost me there.
, it will get better later on....

5. Neo Pikachu said on August 11, 2010, 04:26:50 PM (-07:00)

Volcarona
577 posts

Hey, I have a few things to say. I think that you should increase the length of your chapters and stay as far away from Script-written types.

If you have no clue what I mean, I mean change this:

Sonic: *swallows a chili dog and see Mario and Luigi*....Want a chili dog?

To this:

Sonic swallowed his chili dog and then saw Mario and Luigi, "would you guys like a chili dog?"

It could also help to be a little bit more descriptive. For example, what were Mario and Luigi doing when Sonic saw them? Were they walking towards him, talking to one another, etc... if you ever need constructive criticism I am here. I understand you may have written this because you were bored, but if you want people to be entertained by your stories, you must put a lot of thought into it. Good luck!

6. Charizard98 said on August 11, 2010, 06:01:58 PM (-07:00)

Volcarona
732 posts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo Pikachu View Post
Hey, I have a few things to say. I think that you should increase the length of your chapters and stay as far away from Script-written types.

If you have no clue what I mean, I mean change this:

Sonic: *swallows a chili dog and see Mario and Luigi*....Want a chili dog?

To this:

Sonic swallowed his chili dog and then saw Mario and Luigi, "would you guys like a chili dog?"

It could also help to be a little bit more descriptive. For example, what were Mario and Luigi doing when Sonic saw them? Were they walking towards him, talking to one another, etc... if you ever need constructive criticism I am here. I understand you may have written this because you were bored, but if you want people to be entertained by your stories, you must put a lot of thought into it. Good luck!
Okay, thanks for the tip.

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