I'm considered a popular kid in school because I tutor our top basketball player in calculus. I thought it would be cool but now I realize it's not good at all. My former friends think I'm just like all the other popular kids, and the popular kids think I'm too nice and sweet to do anything bad like they do. So i have no friends at school anymore.

I hate it when people don't just flat out tell me something and instead give a hint of what I think they want to say. Why do people have to be annoying like that sometimes.

I easily get depressed and discouraged.

90% of music I listen to that have lyrics is sung in a foreign language. owo

When everyone else is listening to music on their MP3 players or computers, I still listen to and record audio cassettes. And some of my mix tapes were actually arranged on my computer.

Sometimes I try to lay blame on myself when something goes wrong, more with friendships and relationships. Even if I know I didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't my fault. Probably part of me trying to make sense of it and it being my fault is easier to deal with then someone else screwed up where I'm involved.

I'm tired of people making stupid decisions or making it seem like something they said wasn't in earnest. That and a month after the break up I still have feelings for my ex and part of me wants her back, other part wants to wait a bit longer to decide and only if she has "enough time".

I have this strange hobby of mine that was encouraged by my aunt. Every time I cook something new I take pictures of it and occasionally post it to the internet. We call it my junior food blog, "Food Fotography."

The more I lose my grip on how meaningful life is the more I think about death to scare myself back into life. But sometimes... I think too much and I start to wonder if death is really all that bad. I don't know.

I've for the first time hand drew a Valentines card and left it for someone anonmysly, thanks to a little bit of help. I just hope she enjoys the card and doesn't just toss it out.

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder who the Muffin Man is and why muffins continue falling from the sky.

Tell me you relate?

I used to be afraid of having excessive bass in music, but now I'm afraid of not having excessive bass in music. XD

What I'm going through has a name! I'm having an existential crisis, and nothing could be more painful.

I had this random Jeopardy craving and I've been binge watching episodes since Monday. I haven't gotten any schoolwork done.

I never realized this until today, but I have a pretty big insecurity in being a social outcast of sorts IRL... I live in the middle of nowhere, I'm homeschooled, and most of my friends are online... but at the same time I feel conflicted; I really long to be like a 'normal' person, but at the same time all of the 'normal' people in my town seem to be morons.

...And on a similar note, I'm very highly critical of people I meet. =w=

To reduce embarrassment on myself and entertain others I frequently overact to anything I know I might mess up anyway. Like hilariously flailing about through a room of tightly packed objects.

Not like I ever had to defend my claim on being one of the largest Beatles fans, but I named this set of pens + pencil I use the Fab Four, or I Favoloso Quattro Azzurro. From left to right, this is John, Paul, George, and Ringo. I've been using this set for the past month.

1 attached image

This happened a while back, but when I left the bathroom to go back to my room after showering, I saw two girls walking down the hall about to go past me. (I was only wearing a towel) When I got closer to my door, I could've sworn I heard them giggling. It was so embarrassing.

Here is one of the saddest stories I can recount... the story of my beginnings as a Beatles fan.

I guess before 2009 I knew a couple Beatles songs that were super popular. They remixed Hello Goodbye every 2 years for Target commercials and We Can Work It Out was also a thing. But other than that I was pretty fresh. We had recently played a Beatles medley for the Winter Concert in 8th Grade and I thought the band was pretty good. My first actual Beatles song, Eleanor Rigby, was my obsession for the next few months. But why am I talking about the Beatles like they're the subject of this post?

The thing I wanted most that year was Sonic Unleashed for the Xbox 360. I bought the Wii version and was dissatisfied to learn of the exclusion of the Mazuri and Empire City stages, and the overall added annoyance. But to buy the game I first needed a 360. That's why that year was a golden Christmas opportunity for me. The Beatles Rock Band had just come out and with my new interest I got my mom excited about my love for the band. That spread onto my grandmother's love for me who agreed to buy me both the console and the full Rock Band game set. So while I was sitting through my mom's descriptions of the different songs I was overjoyed that I was one step closer to obtaining Sonic Unleashed, the correct version.

So the reason I'm such a huge Beatles fan today is Sonic Unleashed. It makes sense it's my 2nd favorite Sonic game.

I saw Ariana Grande in the Airport before she made it to super stardom and I was too scared to say hi to her ;_;

I got pissed when I heard my ex has a new boyfriend and more upset when she did something stupid, guess I still care.
At times I'm also worried she was the only one to want to date me and I'll be alone.
On the other hand pisses me off with people who give you one chance in one manner or anouther. This case that exes become nondatable, even if the reason was time issues on one or both parties ends -_-.

I'm worse at driving directions than everyone else in the Northeast, put together. So it's a half-hour drive to my grandfather's house. I went to deliver some things today and somehow or another I ended up spending almost two and a half hours getting lost in various parts of New Jersey before my he/mom called me to go home and the stuff would get delivered some other day.

I can go 200 miles both ways to get to Magfest, but can't do a twenty-mile drive through two towns. Brilliant.

Im only half english, yet can do a near perfect accent. I do it whenever I acctualy use a headset, and everyone believes it. People seem to like it a lot, therefore resulting in making lots of friends online.

I'm a better highway driver than I am a city driver. I wonder why that is? o.o

I got so bored during my independent study (teacher's aid) class that I decided to do someone else's math classwork because it was so easy. It was just logarithmic equations. : P

I suck at trying to get a date, found a girl I like and managed to chicken when it came to actually asking, simply because my friend asked if I was going to go talk to her. It was brilliant of me.

I have something called illusory superiority when it comes to making judgments. In other words, it means asserting my ability to judge what's right, wrong, and what's fair as being superior compared to everyone else's ability to judge.

I sometimes have a stuttering problem. It happens either when I have too much to say at once, or when I feel intimidated. I blame being reserved and quiet for all of these past years, I would never be able to do public speaking.

Been thinking about this a lot recently. Somewhat of a loaded topic, in this day and age, especially for someone like me. Here's a copy of an email I sent to my mom a little while ago (no it's not a suicide note).

This is probably (one of) the last things you want to hear, but what could I do if I dropped school after this year?



I won't try to pretend anymore. I really don't want to keep doing this. There are a few reasons.



I've tried for most of this year to like classes and everything, but I just can't. I know Physics is important, but I simply don't care about it. I know writing is important, but I've taken my First Year Writing class twice now and still feel accomplished if I write 200 words for a 500 word assignment. Politics and Statistics were okay for a few weeks, but however much I try to convince myself I like those classes it just doesn't work. I have at least another year of that before I can focus most of my time on SE: http://www.se.rit.edu/pagefiles/docu...2013-09-08.pdf



I figured out that I would much rather learn on my own instead of have things rammed down my throat and be tested on it. All of the classes I liked in high school - all of them - were classes where I could easily finish my work and learn about things that weren't part of the curriculum afterwards: journalism/NP, Computer Science, Graphic Design. I only tolerated math, core science classes and history because I had a lot of good teachers. Have you ever wondered why I liked Journalism better than Geometry, but hated the rest of my English classes?



That being said, even the Computer Science/SE classes aren't that interesting right now. Even now I can say I learned most of what I know about programming and hardware on my own. Learning the code off the blackboard or a book just isn't the same. There were a few times this year where I was doing something in class that I had figured out on my own months or years before. Even if I could have just copied and pasted my old work and changed a little syntax, it still seemed so much less interesting the second time because it was for a project to be graded for class.



I attend every class and seek help outside of it. I take a lot of notes in class. I do my homework. I got a 58 (fifty eight) on the test after spring break. I will still be lucky to pass with a C in Physics, with the curve. I highly doubt I will pass Physics II at all. There is absolutely no way I will be keeping my scholarship and I don't want to be another college loan statistic.



I'll give that I'm decently smart, usually been in the Honors classes, graduated top of eighth grade, started here with AP credit and whatever but that can't make me care. Neither will the fact that I have a number of intelligent and/or successful people on both sides of my family and have been expected to be one of them since before I even started school. I'd rather write a block of code for a program or game I'm making on my own time than for one that's due on a deadline. There's not really much point in me doing something I don't like now if I'm going to end up doing something I probably won't like later. I remember a few years ago Mr. Lester asked if I really, actually wanted to go to college. Of course I said yes back then. I don't think that's true anymore.



I know what Dad will say. Something about how I am smart and can do this, and I'm just being lazy and I don't know the real world. Something about how I'll have to do things I don't like sooner or later, or I'll be a homeless person. There will most probably be something about how I shouldn't have wasted my spring playing video games, too. Aside from the fact that I have not been wasting my first year playing video games, maybe if it's possible that I have the capacity to get an A in Physics and Physics II next time around, if I sleep in the library and live off instant Ramen for the next four years, but that won't happen. I simply can't. I care too little about most of it. He can take a course in video game art, or string theory, or maybe particle physics and cosmology, and then we will have that conversation.



Thoughts?



Either way, I'll see you in a few weeks.

Pretty much the only things keeping me in college at this point are my friends. I met a lot of good people over here. Quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of grades and how I have to constantly worry about them. I don't do well in any one class besides Geology. I've considered dropping out, but then I realized that my chances of getting a job would be very low and my parents would kill me if I ever dropped.

Hmm, I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one second guessing school...

About a year and a half ago I've started contemplating school. Is this really what a I want? I've spent 4 years here, dumping lots of money into this education, and I barely learned anything.



Anything I memorized during a class just to pass it, I wind up forgetting about within a month of it ending. The education system seems more concerned with grades and showing off "how smart their students are", then making sure they actually learn and understand topics. Personally, I learn things better by seeing them in action. Here at work if I don't know something I look it up online, try it a few times on a computer, and then I actually learn it and know what to do. Honestly I place more value on being able to research the correct answer rather then pulling out some memorized info from my mind that I'm going to wind up second guessing. It's funny, I didn't need grades to learn to walk, or to use the potty like a big boy, or to drive a car.



Then there's cost. I'm getting tired of spending $3000+ a semester just to have some person read out of a book to me and then shove a quiz in me seeing how well I memorized information. I'm always amused at being in a class, and seeing a bunch of people just sitting on their laptops on Facebook or whatever. Really? I can do that at home for free.



What would come at the end of this? A piece of paper. Great, that piece of paper MIGHT help me get a better job. Then when I'm at the job, now what? I don't remember anything I'll wind up spending more time re-learning what I should have learned before then actually being productive.



Look, I know I'm not the brightest lightbulb in the crayon box, and yes I would rather go play Mario for an hour or two instead of making sure for the 3rd time I memorized something for a test I'm going to forget about next week, but that doesn't mean I don't want to learn. I love learning about new things and trying to improve myself. Unfortunately, from my college experience it doesn't seem like the best way to go about it. Elementary to high school it wasn't as much of a big deal, school was pretty much the only major thing in my life and it didn't cost anything. Now having to spend all this money and have to learn from mindlessly reading from a book in addition to all the other grown up stuff I now have to handle (working a job, to handle finances, etc). 



I know an education is important, but it doesn't seem like college is the "end all, be all" of learning. I haven't been in school the last year to contemplate what I want to do. If I continue what I'm doing now, it'll be at least another 2 years to earn that piece of paper that says I memorized a bunch of stuff. I'm speaking with my counselor in a few weeks to discuss some of this.

I once made my geography teacher break his snooker cue on my table because i was ignoring him.

(yes most teachers in my school usually had weapons)

I don't cry at Funerals, but for some reason laugh out loud.

I'm a hardened spirit, so I don't think anything would make me chicken out for college. I've worked to hard to get where am at and I was initially dissatisfied. For you two, I just don't think college suits your character types. After all, college isn't for everyone. I don't know you guys too well, but if you do eventually decide if dropping out is the best option, studying on your own, possibly with a mentor, would be an equal if not better substitute. Even without a stat-boosting diploma there's a chance you could find your Beatle lucky break. You never know.

I'm completely against drinking any type of alcohol there is, but when it comes to cooking using liquor is acceptable in any circumstance. I baked a tiramisu cheesecake with a little bit of coffee-flavored liqueur. Everyone was telling me how they tasted the alcohol and how bad I was. All I could say was "Shut the hell up, you loved it and none of you are pure anyway."

If I was a character in a literary work, I'd be a romantic hero.

I dropped out of secondary school, went to college then Uni and still dont regret dropping out of comp.

so really do what you want but before you do really think about it and what you want to do.

From this day forward I will no longer tell another lie, or may God strike me with lightning (when I'm not wearing my Franklin Badge.)

Whenever someone mentions that they like something that I like, whether it's a song, book, TV show, video game, Youtube channel, etc., there's a part of me that's always a little surprised, even if said thing is pretty popular. I think it has to do with the fact that when I was about 9 or 10, which was when I really started getting into Pokemon, whenever I asked someone if they liked Pokemon their answer always seemed to be no, and I didn't really have much else to talk about; being homeschooled, I felt like I couldn't really join in on conversations about school and classes and such, and my parents didn't let us watch shows like Spongebob or iCarly or Hannah Montana (Although looking back on it now I'm kinda glad they didn't) so I felt pretty left out.

My summer is going to mostly be spent out of town and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Also wish that a girl I wanted to talk to and get to know better wasn't so bad and staying in contact.

For some reason - and even I haven't figured out why yet - it really irks me when people put two spaces between sentences.

I'm tired of driving for the remainder of the month. In the last two months I've made drives that are 5 hours in length, two that were 8 hours long and today a 3 hour drive. This is a combination of being a passenger and doing the driving and being a passenger. So I'm kinda fed up with that. I also and irked that I don't get to shower till four because of it.

I have a crush on a girl I started talking to on kik. it's been almost a week since we talked. Last message I sent hasn't been delivered so I'm worried she all of a sudden hates me instead of being busy, even though when we last talked she brought up how she wants to meet up when she hits state side.

When I was at the gym a couple days ago, I mistook the back machines as chest machines.

I came here awhile back saying I'd be active again.
I never came back after that day. XD
(wait, then how am i posting here?!? :O de magix!)

I hate people who don't just tell you they no longer want to talk and either block you with you having no way of knowing or just don't answer even though your know they are on. I'd rather they say please leave me alone and don't talk to me then do that stuff.

If I would have actually had any gym battles in the gym league as the Poison type gym leader, I would have been easy to beat. Poison type is one I was not familiar with and the team I assembled had no strategy, just decent type coverage. A simple rain team could have rocked my socks. I sucked back then.

Sometimes i mistake hair conditioner for face wash and use it to wash my face. Has happened a couple of times with me.

It annoys me whenever someone watches a movie on TV that they own on DVD (or Blu-ray, or even VHS), and they'll sit through all the commercials rather than spend that time putting the commercial-free, unedited, full copy on their shelf into their player.

It annoys me even more when they try to convince me to sit down and endure the commercials every 10 minutes.

I'm addicted to VST plugins for FL Studio. Fortunately, it's a health hazard for my computer and not for me. XD